Trespassing

You are trespassing. You are making an unwarranted incursion, a gradual or stealthy entrance, into the sphere of another. 


I don't want another girl's garden. And I do not want what I haven't got. I like my little patch of earth and sky, and I want to stay here.

(Originally, I jumped from the last to the next, but I'm afraid that the only people who can follow this next bit live in my head. JrHigh is some girl, or maybe not a girl, who says she knew me in high school. She's lying. She's possibly a current GF of one of my exes, or also possibly one of my exes, who has been badmouthing me to a guy I'm sorta kinda maybe dating. Ish. Datingish. I have issues with that word. British is a girl who was dating that same guy, and who blames me for lots of things that went wrong between her and him. JrHigh and British have been talking, which just makes the situation that much more fun for me. I also somewhat suspect that JrHigh lives inside British's head. Did that help? I'm not really sure).

Part of JrHigh's bitch fit towards me is that she thinks I'm taking something that isn't mine. It sounds like she thinks I took something from her along the way, but she hasn't told me what or who. And I know she thinks I'm taking things away from British.


I've spent a lot of time in the last two years thinking about jealousy and boundaries. Here's what I know...I can't take a guy away from anyone. If he is yours, then he is yours. And if he's not, then nothing you can do will make him yours. I don't know who I slept with that she wanted to be sleeping with, or who I slept with before she started, but I know that I have never made a man do anything he didn't want to do.

I know all this, but I am also possibly the least secure person in the world. As I've been told many times, when it comes down to it, I don't think I'm worth much. I know I didn't take British's guy, and I don't even know which guy JrHigh thinks I took, but my emotional state still hasn't caught up. (It's been encountering some iteration of you took my man, bitch! from this chick for a year and a half. You'd think it would get it by now, but I ride the emotional short bus from time to time). I'm afraid that I'm the second-place girl, the consolation vag, the thing you buy and then can't return.

I am trying so hard to hold my own patch of land. I don't want their gardens, but I'll be damned if I let them chase me out of mine. It's been touch-and-go for a long while now. I want to hit something or run away...standing still is really hard for me. I'm learning. Eddie Vedder introduced this in concert by saying this is a song I'd sing to kids...Well I won't back down, no I won't back down. You can stand me up at the gates of hell but I'll stand my ground.